AND SO IT BEGINS...

Dom has made it clear about where I will fit in, in his life. I have fully apologised, explained, promised and listened. It is nice that we get along as friends. But does that really give him the right to call me fat. The abuse really has stopped hasn't it. 

I have always had problems with my identity. A fat unhappy child whose sexuality only compounded the difficulties. Childhood neglect coupled with sustained extreme physical abuse isolated me further. When ever I muster the belief in another human I run the risk of reliving the past. When Dom stated that I was no longer 'Buff' as I once was when he met me, it triggered the childhood coping strategy designed to avoid hurt. Approval Seeking. It's a lot better than self destruction. 

Anyway, Dom safely off to his night shift, me straight to the internet looking for a shag. 

My Gaydar profile is succinctly to the point, it's clear I am up for it, and yet clearer that I can't be bothered entertaining idiots. At almost midnight on a Friday night at what is now Dom's place I was entertaining the idea of seeking approval. 

And so it begins, the seeking of approval from random strangers. I have never catalogued my conquests, until now.