It's been a while.
Dom has returned from his week Skiing in Sass Fee. He's a different person to the one that left. I said before he went he would come back either worse than when he went having taken neck loads of drugs and pretended to be someone he's not. Or, and this does seem to be the case, gone off thought about his life and where he wants to take it.
I asked Dom if there was any chance long term of getting back together again, he said possibly, but right now, No.
I went through his phone whilst he was asleep. Big mistake. The numerous 3 o'clock post club telephone calls made from numbers not even important enough to be stored with associated names were gut wrenching. The 'Oh Baby, thinking of you, in the shower, come fuck me hard' text message upon reading had me shaking to the point of vomiting. He is back friends with Lisa, the bigoted racist, homophobic South African. Really shouldn't have looked.
All change.
My property remains at what was our home, Dom is still there, No trace of me is.
The stages of breaking up bring things you should expect, it makes sense to prepare yourself. It is only now that after a lot of soul searching that I want to stay with him. The odd thing is, I never really did before, he was just there. There causing trouble, the shouting a lot, the sleeping around, the being deceitful (or just not telling the whole truth, because that's not deceit I'm told) and not accountable. And I want him back? Thing is he has changed, become more independent, seemingly, only from me.
We get now though, so in some ways it's not worth disrupting. He makes it clear we are friends, then goes and kisses me. This tells me a number of things; he's still playing emotionally abusive games; I need to work out just what it is I am doing; he hasn't really changed.
SOLID.